"He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator." - Francis Bacon

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." - Langston Hughes

OOC Date: 7/4/06
In-Game Date: Unknown

I am finding the urge to write my findings down again, though the Gods know given a few weeks these concerns will either be gone and long since forgotten, or boiled into something worse. But, I suppose to a human musings like this keep me immortal in a sense. It's the one thing left behind after I am gone, and if I ever have children, they will probably laugh over their mother's antics. Or follow in my footsteps.

Time seems to be creeping past me at inopportune moments, fading out of my grasp just as things seem to be tilting the right way for once. I'm not unhappy, I would want no one thinking that. I'm just very unsettled. I've been away from the House, away from my friends, away from lovers, so that the few times I peek back and visit familiar places or stop by the homes of friends I find myself oddly out of place. Not that being alone has ever bothered me, but I feel a sad ache in my chest when I realize all that I miss when I take a leap of faith in solitude and dissapear for a few days on end. Society moves so fast that one moment left in shadow and you feel as if you've missed the return of the Gods. Am I the only that feels this way?

I suppose you wonder what keeps me away from the pull of social times, friend. I have been under the tutilage of Master Vhalon D'Fyre and his Lady Wife, Nikeeta D'Fyre, of Chromis Draconis.

This is why I have been away. I wish to become...better. More. Something beyond what I am now. With their guidance, I know I will be something worthy in others eyes one day. Mayhap even mine.

With my teaching going well, it is no spurise that they have been testing every part of me, including my inner way of thought and my feelings about myself and my place in life.

It is rare that I meet one Master of my craft, but I am flabbergasted to be taken in by two. His Lady Wife is kind and wise, and could be deadly if given the right motive. She does not express much, no inflictions can even be picked up in the woman's voice, but her aura is like a hot blade against your skin. It singes in it's power. Vhalon is easier to read, but no less taken for a weakling. Both have taught me the meaning of Three: Body, Mind, and Spirit. I should not wish to be a bruiser, I should become one in every way.

Our last meeting took us deeply into the wilds, a place I ordinarily would not have ventured. There was risk involved, but I believe they only test me in seeing how much I really want their guidance.

I will not dissappoint.

Since returning to the House and the Raven, I'm filled with a bitter nostalgia that I did not know I could experience. I missed it more than I thought. I have not seen much of my dear Emeraven, or Karner, or lady Zeverai or Alustrus. I've seen Tae off and on, but he is snagged a lot by his other women, of whom I feel he needs his own time with.

I'm even promised to see a few this weekend that I have had the sad timing of missing on a regular basis and only hope that things return to normal soon. I need to shake this gloom of mind and become my regular self. I only sense an impending darkness that will either change me, make me stronger, or better everyone in the end.

Until then, I am just a stone in the ocean. I hope the winds calm soon.